Lockdowns have had a big impact on young people and on family life. Building resilience for teens and their families is essential now (and always).

Is there anything more difficult that being a teenager?

Well, we’d argue that being the parent of a teenager is pretty tough too!

Since the beginning of the pandemic, parents and anyone with young people in their lives have had an implicit understanding that restrictions – while important to stop the spread of COVID-19 – have impacted heavily on our kids. Being unable to go to school in person, see friends, or celebrate normal milestones has taken its toll. We’re asking them to limit how much of the world they can experience as they grow, all in addition to navigating the minefield of adolescent challenges, including physical changes, social and school pressures.

You probably won’t be surprised to hear that these feelings are very much rooted in fact. According to a report from the Australian Bureau of Statistics around the impact of COVID-19, 30% of younger Australians experienced high or very high levels of psychological distress in June 2021, compared with 18% of people aged 35 to 64 years and 10% of people aged 65 years and over.

Lockdowns and the pandemic are having an impact on families too. According to this survey from The Guardian, two-thirds of parents feel worried about how lockdowns are impacting their children’s mental health, while half are worried that their child is developing behavioural issues. Family dynamics have been touched in a variety of ways; research has shown effects at both extremes, from those who report mental health challenges to those who are enjoying additional time as a family the lockdowns and working from home allows.

For parents worried about the welfare it can be difficult to know where to get help. Another study of 14 – 17-year-olds, conducted during the second Melbourne lockdown last year by the Murdoch Children’s Institute, found that many families were simply not getting the help they need.

However, it’s not just the parents of the more seriously impacted teenagers that need guidance. Almost everyone needs assistance getting through this time one way or another, as do their families.

We want all our children to thrive, not just survive.

The importance of developing resilience

So, what’s the answer to helping our children and our families through this challenging period of our lives (and of history)?

One word: RESILIENCE.

As Alain de Botton famously quoted “A good half of the art of living is resilience.” But how can we support our kids in build this vital life skill?

After many years of teaching life skills alongside our beautiful herd of horses, we know first-hand how important resilience is for every one of us. Horses role model the tools we need to embrace life head-on with resilience, determination, and joy.

🌸 Horses model empathy, kindness, and acceptance – they lead with confidence not force.

🌸 Horses do not judge us for how we appear on the outside – they respond to how we make them feel on the inside.

🌸 Horses give honest and instant feedback. They respond in the moment, don’t lie, or hold a grudge.

Teaching resilience in the pandemic age

You’re probably thinking – yes that sounds great, but how on earth do we go about instilling these skills during lockdown? Where do I go when options for face-to-face interaction are limited? Do I even have the time or energy for one more commitment right now (yes, we get it, balancing home learning and work is a nightmare!)

That’s why we’re so excited to share with you our new online Teen Empowerment, program, BeYou@Home! We’ve taken the lessons learned through hundreds of client sessions with our horses and brought these to life for your tween and teen daughters at home. Suitable for girls aged 12 – 16 and endorsed by Health and Education professionals, BeYou@Home builds REAL skills & tools to support your daughter in embracing her future and becoming the very best version of herself!

Your daughter can access the program from the comfort of home and work through the material at her own pace. Each of the six workshops includes videos and practical activities building skills such as relationships, self-awareness, leadership mindfulness and goal setting – in a fun and engaging way. At the end she will receive a certificate to demonstrate her commitment and new skills.

And as a parent, the most valuable thing you’ll get is the reassurance that you’re raising a self-confident, resilient, and empowered young woman!

To get started, download your free guide to building Family Resilience Toolkit here.

For more information and to purchase the BeYou@Home Empowerment Program, please click here.

My lucky break: lessons on the power of positive thinking

I’ve had a bit of a break from writing due to an accident which landed me in hospital and rehab for a couple of months. Through it I’ve learnt a lot about the power of positive thinking, resilience and slowing down.

And… I’m back with my blog.

For those of you who don’t know, there’s a reason that I haven’t posted in a couple of months. We’ve had an interesting time here at Leading Edge Professional Development, due to the fact I had an accident in late April and spent the entire month of May in hospital and then rehab.

While I’ve been on a break, the accident was a literal break. I broke four vertebrae. I’m lucky that it wasn’t worse and I can still walk (which means I am continuing with most of my usual activities now I’m on the mend). However, I do have what is called Cauda equina syndrome, which occurs when the nerves below the end of the spinal cord are damaged. Somewhat ironically, corda equina is Latin for horse’s tail, and the injury has affected the nerves in my ‘saddle area’.

While it’s been a tough journey through rehab, I’m now at the point where I am back into normal life enough to start to appreciate the valuable lessons this experience has taught me.

So much so that I’m calling it my ‘lucky break’.

I’ve decided to write a series of articles from this. First, I’ll look at some lessons I’ve learnt. Then, I’ll share what I’ve realised about the importance of always nurturing my body and mind. And finally, I’ll share what I’ve been reminded about appreciating those supportive people around us.

Lesson 1: Positivity and resilience go hand-in-hand

No one ever thinks something like this will happen to them. And when it does, it tests your resilience in ways that it may never have been tested before.

Resilience really goes hand in hand with positive thinking. If you keep believing that you will eventually make it through, then it really helps you move forward.

So, when you’re upset or complaining about trivial matters, or overwhelmed by life, try positive thinking. It isn’t always easy, but there are techniques that can help, such as practising mindfulness to focus on the here and now, or keeping a gratitude journal to help remind you of the good in life. Or, try talking to someone else for a fresh perspective.

Lesson 2: Slow down – before you’re forced

As I worked my way through rehab, not only did I learn about the power of positivity but the value of slowing down and being present. Before the accident – like many of us who juggle careers, families and hobbies – I would fall into the trap of being unfailingly busy.

I would find myself frequently in the situation where I was physically in one place, but my mind is racing with thoughts about when I have to pick up my son or what work I have to do tomorrow for my business.

There’s nothing like an accident – where all you can focus on is getting better – to make it obvious what it really means to be present in the here and now. Your focus becomes on your immediate surroundings, and paying attention to your body and the signals it is giving. It is almost like the universe was trying to tell me something.

If you’re feeling like you never stop, then it’s worth thinking about slowing down, at least sometimes. It can seem hard, when there’s so many things to do, but it is possible to say no once in a while! It’s better than waiting until the universe tells you to.

Lesson 3: Work out what’s important

Another benefit of my accident has been the ability to step back and evaluate parts of my life, and a big one is my choice of career.

For some people, a life-changing experience can prompt them to change career. I’m the exact opposite! For me, it reaffirmed how much I love what I do – hence my desire to return to it as quickly as possible. I’ve started teaching my leadership training courses again (at least online due to the fresh Sydney lockdown) and it has been wonderful. In fact, it makes me want to give back more and help others through our unique horse-based learning.

It’s a shame though that it’s often an incident which prompts this process of evaluation. So, if you’ve been trudging along in a job, unhappy but not motivated to make a change, then instead of carrying on, perhaps consider ways that you can take a step back and weigh up your options (without breaking your spine!).

Lesson 4: It’s okay to not be okay

And as much as I try to be positive, I’ve also realised I don’t have to put on a happy face all the time. It’s okay to feel sad, or disappointed, or worried – even if there’s no one reason to pinpoint. In fact, there have been studies which demonstrate that suppressing your emotions is bad for both your mental and physical health. Often a vent, or a cry, or even a laugh can be great for letting all that emotion out.

That’s why I’ve started a fundraiser called Clocking Ks for RUOK, where I challenge myself to walk every day. This is not only helpful for my recovery, but helps a great organisation, RUOK. They inspire people to meaningfully connect with those around them and start a conversation with someone who might be struggling with life. I’d be grateful to anyone who wants to sponsor me.

And, if you’re not okay or you suspect someone you know isn’t, then please reach out. Positive thinking is always easier if we have others’ support.

What have the tough times in your life taught you? Let us know in the comments. And for more information about Leading Edge Professional Development, email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au

Four important life (and leadership) lessons I’ve learnt from horses

Working with horses has taught me so much about leadership and life in general. Here’s how I discovered the four Ps: passion, patience, perseverance and purpose.

‘Wow, you’re really passionate about this!’ people say to me when I tell them about my work.

I always take this as a compliment (unless it’s my kids, rolling their eyes because I am telling my horse tales again). I am proud to be passionate about what I do and want to share the insights I’ve picked up along the way.

In the course of my leadership coaching, I’ve seen countless people have ‘aha’ moments. And, I’ve had so, so many myself. For this, I’m grateful to the horses. Their help has been invaluable not just in leadership but in life! Here are just a few of the lessons they have taught me. I call them the four Ps:

• Presence
• Patience
• Perseverance
• Purpose

1. Practice presence

We’ve all been here. You’re in a meeting with a client and suddenly you remember that your child has ballet/football/music practice that afternoon and what can you make for dinner that’s quick and easy? Then, you realise you haven’t heard a client’s question.

Or, you’re doing homework with the kids and your mind starts wandering to the meeting you have in the morning. They realise you are not fully present and start to act out, bored and distracted.

We do this all the time, but presence is so important – not just when you’re with clients – but in all aspects of life.

How have I learnt this lesson from my horses?

Horses live in the ‘now’. They are not dreaming about the future or dwelling on the past. As such, they do not understand when we are not present with them and it makes them feel unsafe. They sense that incongruence between our actions and intentions that leads to a lack of psychological safety. We feel this too, right? It just becomes so obvious when a half tonne animal plants his feet and refuses to co-operate. Ever tried to make a horse do something they didn’t want to do? Hint: it’s virtually impossible. Just ask our stockhorse, Bart.

If you’re having trouble remaining present, and there’s no horse available (haha) then try looking up some techniques such as these from Headspace.

2. Pause for patience

As well as being in the moment, horses remind you to slow down, step back and not rush.

Again, our equine friends will sense impatience and not react favourably. I’ve learnt this over the years through experience! We have a saying when working with horses, “Act like you have five minutes, it will take all day but act like you have all day and it will take five minutes.” No amount of pulling will make them move faster unless they can see a good reason.

Horses not only reflect my own impatience, they have a calming effect on me, showing signs of physical affection which help me when I’m feeling stressed out or rushed.

If you’ve ever been impatient (I think we all have!) then you probably know it often gets you nowhere. And, some studies have linked patience to better mental health, achieving your goals and better health in general.

Who or what helps you slow down? Is it your cat? Partner? Kids? Friends? Being in nature? Hiking? Swimming?

3. Push that perseverance

This is a big one!

Having resilience and not giving up is something I’ve had to learn working with horses over the years. You have to see them as a team member and because they’re so large, if what you’re doing doesn’t work for them, then you have to find a new way.

I think this is particularly relevant for these COVID times, with nearly half of Australian businesses surveyed in Julyreporting a decrease in revenue. Many have had to ‘pivot’ (including us!). Yet, I’ve heard so many inspiring stories of people finding new ways forward.

4. Passion and purpose

A few months ago, I was asked to give a presentation about finding your passion to WoManly, a business networking group on the Northern Beaches.

I really love this group. We relate as a group of women experiencing the same highs and lows that come with starting and running your own business, while juggling other responsibilities and commitments such as parenting. I decided it was a wonderful forum to share my personal growth through my work with horses.

To do this, I used stories that showed how my career had grown my own sense of purpose. I even shared a poem I had written, called One Life, about my journey. Talk about feeling vulnerable! But it really resonated with my audience, and before long they too were sharing their own experiences.

What does this mean?

In everything we do, we have to try to embrace the true essence of who we are. I said at the beginning that horses tap into my passion, and I think it is important to tap into yours as well. And I mean in your life in general, not necessarily just in your work.

Finding purpose give you a new energy. That’s how you achieve authentic leadership and explore new possibilities.

If you’d like to learn more about us and our life-changing leadership training with horses, visit Leading Edge Professional Development

www.leadingedgeprofessionaldevelopment.com.au

Are you considering a mid-year review?

Times are uncertain, but a mid-year business review can still be a great chance to evaluate employees, see what’s working in your team and what’s not, as well as make plans and try to deal with change.

And suddenly…it’s July. How did that happen so fast?

Here at Leading Edge Life Skills we are continually taking stock, livestock that is, especially horses, so we are big advocates of a mid-year stocktake or business review. Not because we are likely to misplace or lose one of our horses (haha), but because we think any successful business needs regular evaluation, even if they don’t have physical stock.

While this year has panned out in a completely different way to how any of us were expecting, it’s still important to stop once in a while to look at where we are and where we’re going next.

Below are a few points I think are important if you do decide to do a mid-year review of your team or business.

Check how your people are doing

Earlier this year, we took on a younger horse, Darcy, for the first time in a while. We usually look for a new equine team member with more life experience, but Darcy had something special about him that we thought would enrich our team. And we were right – Darcy brought some nice diversity to the group. We need to regularly evaluate how he is fitting in and realised that while he is going well so far, he needs a lot of attention to ensure that he continues to get the experiences he needs to fulfil his role in our team.

Like with our youngest member, a mid-year stocktake can be a great chance to check up on any newer employees and see how they are fitting in. And don’t forget your long-timers either – just because they continue to do their job without complaint doesn’t guarantee they are happy. We have to also be careful of this with our longer standing team members as well. Our mare, Kylie, who has been an amazing team member for several years will remind us that we cannot take her for granted. It may be that they are getting bored and need more stimulation or want to upskill in order to take on new responsibility.

And similar to our team, diversity is important and it’s worth regularly looking at the make-up of yours. Is it working well? Do you have enough different perspectives? Skillsets? Backgrounds?

Checking on how employees are going is especially important in the current environment. Boston Consulting Group recently released the findings of a survey of more than 1,000 of its employees. Three-quarters said COVID-19 had thrown up barriers to their work, particularly those with young children at home, but at the same time almost as many said it had a positive impact on their work. Employees who work remotely want to keep doing so, but not every day.

In addition to these high-level findings, BCG also warned “there are a wide variety of personal situations, and employee needs, each one often very different to the last”.

So, in other words there is no one-size-fits-all solution. All the more reason for a detailed stocktake considering all employees!

Evaluate (the best you can)

I don’t think any of us would say 2020 has turned out the way we were planning. Despite this, there is still value in business evaluation to see how us and our team has performed.

Being the end of the financial year in Australia, you may have to deal with taxes and other financial issues. However, using that as a base for a broader review of what is working and what is not has the potential to give you a clearer picture of the impact of the past few months. Not to mention make plans for the rest of the year (and beyond.) Who knows, there may be opportunities that have arisen since the beginning of the year – and if you don’t jump on them competitors will!

The midway point can also be a great chance to evaluate your own leadership. You are probably aware of your strengths and weaknesses but how are you handling them? How are you coping with change?

Have a plan…but be flexible

Plans in the time of coronavirus…not easy. Here in Australia, restrictions are easing in some states, while other areas, such as some suburbs of Melbourne, are experiencing tighter restrictions. And just as some state borders open, others close. An uncertain economy makes it hard to predict what will happen – even the Government has delayed the budget until October.

Yet we have to keep making goals – after all, a business needs some direction – while also being prepared for the possibility of everything changing again.

Coping with change, especially unexpected change, is an important skill we bring into our leadership programs. In addition to working with the horses, one of my favourite ways of doing this is using a proprietary card game called, ‘The Future is Coming’, in which you draw cards to give a random mix of settings, challenges and timeframes to envision future states. You then have to make them into opportunities on the spot. It’s a great way to learn flexibility, enhance forecasting and creative problem solving skills, and foster resilience and innovation. Essential skills at all times!

Have you done a mid-year stocktake? Let me know in the comments. And for more information on Leading Edge Life Skills email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au