In this first of a new series looking at three core pillars of leadership, I examine self-confidence in a leader and how to think about your strengths and weaknesses in this area.

“A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent.”

General Douglas McArthur

Confidence. Consciousness. Compassion.

As you may know, for the past few years I’ve been regularly publishing a blog so I can share all the insights on leadership and lessons I’ve learnt from horses.

Now, the next stage is to gather them together into a guide to help people think about their leadership strengths and weakness and where they can improve (I’ll publish this as a weekly blog, then as an e-book at the end). 

Naturally, I’m going to base these around three pillars that I think are absolutely essential, (and which regular readers might have heard me mention before): confidence, consciousness and compassion.

I’ll look at each of these in detail and how they relate to the self, to others and to our environment. A natural place to start this series is confidence – it’s one of my favourite topics and something we work on a lot in our training courses. And the first area where confidence is critically important is the self. I’m sure we’ve all worked with leaders who were both full of self-confidence and also lacking, and it’s had a big impact on those around them.  

What does self-confident leadership mean?

Self-confidence is an attribute we associate with great leaders, but do we ever stop and think about what it really means and how to develop it as a skill? 

Self-confidence means being brave, not putting on a front, being arrogant or thinking you have nothing left to learn. So rather than having a ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ attitude, self-confident leadership is about being vulnerable and being yourself. 

You can’t hide who you are from horses, because they are intuitive enough to know when you aren’t genuine. While it’s not as obvious as with a horse, humans have instincts too which will eventually allow them to detect who is really confident and who is not.

Once, we had a training course here with a corporate team from a large bank. I had not told my facilitators who was who in the client’s team. So after the session, I challenged the facilitators to guess who was the team manager. They all picked the same person. Then, on checking the background information – we deliberately don’t read this before the course so as not to influence us – we found that someone else was the manager and this person we thought was the leader was in fact more junior. It really struck me that while they weren’t the leader on paper, the humans and horses alike were drawn to their quiet confidence. 

How do you stack up?

So, how do we know if we’re a self-confident leader? To assess your own confidence in leadership, try asking yourself the following questions:

·       Do you understand who you are and what you stand for?

·       Do you have the confidence to accept you are enough?

·       Do you know your strengths and the value you provide?

·       Do you accept your weaknesses and take steps to address them?

·       Are you confident enough to rely on others for support where needed?

To dig even deeper, you can also start trying some simple exercises. For example, list one or two things that you are scared of people knowing about you, or one or two fears that you have. Where does this fear come from? How does it impact your work?

Once you start to build you awareness of the areas of self-confident leadership that need improving, then you can take steps to improve. It’s a journey that will help you throughout your leadership career. 

All this and more will be covered in my upcoming eBook. If you’re interested in more information or receiving a copy when it’s released, follow me on here for further updates or email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au to be added to our mailing list.

Why? Why? Why are you worried asking questions will make you look incompetent?

Asking questions is an important – actually vital – part of good communication in the workplace, yet it can sometimes be difficult for us to do due to fear of looking incompetent. What core leadership skills can we develop to help?

Why are we doing this?

Can you please explain?

What do you mean when you say that?

Questions are an important part of communication. We can all see the benefits of asking smart questions at work: it shows that we’re engaged with the conversation, it helps us understand topics we might be struggling to grasp and it ensures clear communication between parties when discussing things like project briefs.

And of course, questions help us learn – classical Greek philosopher Socrates, who invented a method of dialogue based around questions, said “the highest form of Human Excellence is to question oneself and others”.

As you have probably noticed, young children use questions constantly as they gather information about the world. Journalist Warren Berger, author of “A more beautiful question”, says we are trained out of asking questions as we grow older – by parents, by teachers and later by leaders in the workplace.

Consequently, many adults refrain from asking questions because we think it will make us seem weak or even stupid. We find it difficult to ask for help.

The consequences of not asking questions – with horses!

When conducting our leadership training, I see the downfalls of not asking questions for clarification and problem solving.

Just last week, we hosted an off-site meeting for a team from a large consulting firm here at Leading Edge that included a team building activity with our horses.

Our team building activity involves splitting the client group into small teams of people and ask them to negotiate an obstacle course together with one of our horses as an equal member of the team.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

By nature, consulting firms attract highly motivated, driven and intelligent employees of the highest calibre. A consultant’s role involves being task oriented, outcome driven and highly efficient. These are great strengths – there is no denying that.

However, as a leader, “having your eye on the prize” so to say, won’t work unless every team member knows what the prize is and how to get there.

One of the teams was working with our horse, Vinnie. There were times when his two human team mates could not get him to take even one step forward. And other times when he wandered away from his teammates altogether. What was going on?

Vinnie was clearly asking questions of his teammates – ‘What is going on here? What’s our plan?’,  but as the team were so focus on the end result, they had failed to notice. Just as we see in the work place, there are times when being so focused on the end result, individulas may keep going down their own path, without listening to the questions of others or asking for their help or opinions. Tin our exercises, this is frustrating not only for the human teammates, but for the horse teammate who has their own input to give but are asking their questions in a different way. The difference is, the horse won’t do what he doesn’t want to do, and there’s no forcing an animal of that size! In this example, the people had to stop and evaluate their behaviour, and eventually ask others what to do.

As leaders, it is our responsibility to ask questions that ensure every member of the team understands what is expected of them. In fact, we should take the lead by asking questions ourselves and thereby role modelling that it is more than ok to do so. Asking questions and really listening to the answers allows us to respond flexibly to the different needs of all members on our team.  

Also evident in our exercises, and indeed paralleled in the workplace, are the times when team members may be too scared or worried to ask a question, for example if they don’t quite comprehend the brief. They continue to struggle on even though they don’t know or understand exactly what to do. The horse eventually gets frustrated and starts walking away– much the same response as we get from people whose engagement we lose.

Core skills to help get over question-asking fear

Like many areas of leadership, I believe the art of asking a question comes back to developing core skills.

Self-confidence is one – the more confident you are as a leader, the more you can combat that fear of looking silly.  

Active listening is another – if you really make the effort to understand what someone is saying, then you know you’re asking a question that is relevant and hasn’t been answered already.

Also, what I call consciousness – being able to see how your behaviour affects others, and also see things from their point of view. This helps with that worry that you’ll look foolish, because you’ll realise that most of the time people are too concerned with how they themselves appear to dwell on what you said. And, being self-aware can also help us push aside that ego which might be preventing us from putting our questions out there.

And, the more we ask questions, the better our consciousness becomes in turn.

Remember too, that asking good questions is a skill that needs to be developed like any other. Practice makes perfect. In fact, as part of our Horse Certification training we practice open-ended questions daily – it is ingrained in what we do. We even sell a pack of cards each with a different open-ended question for our trainees to practice, practice and practice this important skill.

Have a question for us? Email us at info@lepd.com.au

Four core skills for being a leader in your own life

Whether you’re old or young, there are some key skills that will help you become a leader in your own life; take control and be the person you want to be.

At what age can you take steps to make yourself a leader in your own life?

Answer: any age. That’s right; it’s never too late to acquire new skills or even brush up on ones you already have.

This is top of mind for me at the moment because we are launching an exciting new course, called the ‘Be You’ Teen Empowerment Program. We’ve taken all we’ve learnt over many years of training and put it into a course designed to help young women move forward in their lives with confidence, consciousness and compassion.

However, reflecting on what we’re teaching teenagers reminded me how important these skills are to everyone of all ages, not just in the workplace but in all aspects of life. Some may seem obvious, but for that very reason we often neglect to work on them.

1. Self-awareness

Yes, this is a big one. I think a lot of us like to believe we are self-aware, but in fact most of us struggle at times – one survey found that only 15% of people are self-aware.  

As I’ve written in my blog before, horses are great at helping us with this, because their feedback is non-judgmental, honest and immediate. Many times, I’ve seen people realise, through working with horses, how their behaviour is impacting themselves and those around them.

Do you rely too much on force as a manager? You’re not going to be able to drag a 500-pound horse along.

Do you not work very well with team members? Your horse might simply walk away.

Trying to think hard about your behaviour and how it impacts others, listen to and act upon feedback and making sure you’re acting in line with your own core values are all ways to improve your self-awareness. Even if you’ve done this in the past, a regular stock-take is a good idea.

2. Confidence

I really believe confidence is a skill everyone should focus on developing.

When I talk about confidence, I don’t necessarily mean those who are the loudest when talking about their achievements, or the most bolshie.

True confidence to me is the ability to focus on your goals, act with purpose and back your decisions. The truly confident also have the strength to trust and nurture those around them.

3. Listening

Listening and hearing are very different. Listening is a skill and to do it well, it takes practice. Do you pay attention to what someone is saying, or just wait for them to finish speaking so you can add your own comment?

Again, this is something our horses highlight when working with them – if you don’t ‘listen’ to when they’re trying to communicate (which they do through body language), they’ll not feel safe, they will not want to work with you – and it is very hard to ignore a 500kg team mate.

Everyone’s communication styles are different, but learning to actively listen is worth the investment and will lead to more genuine connection with others.

4. Compassion

Compassion is a skill shared by great leaders, but to be a leader in your own life it is necessary to demonstrate care for others and understand that everyone’s point of view is different.

And, there is the old saying: what goes around comes around, so showing compassion should bring happiness back to you.

What skills do you draw on to be a leader in your life? Let me know in the comments.

For information about how our leadership courses can help you develop core skills, send us an email at info@lepd.com.au

Confident leadership: an essential part of any workplace

Building your confidence at work and the confidence of those around you will make you a stronger and happier leader. Here’s some ways to go about it.

Confidence at work is one of my favourite topics. Whether it’s building your own or helping others around you boost theirs, it’s essential for a happy and productive workplace.

As a woman, I am particularly aware of always  trying to foster confidence in myself and others around me, particularly as there’s lots of data to show that we’re more likely to under estimate our abilities. I saw these wonderful imagesrecently, which repurpose words that are often used about women to showcase their achievements; a wonderful example of how we can build other’s confidence and our own.

Having said that, I have seen through my work that a lack of confidence is an attribute that plagues both men and women and can really impact our leadership. Without it, we can hold ourselves and our teams back. With confidence, we are able to:

• Follow our vision, even if there’s some risk
• Stay motivated and optimistic
• Focus and not get distracted by unimportant developments
• Stop comparing ourselves to other people
• Nurture others in a team to achieve their full potential
• Learn from mistakes

Ways to build confidence at work

If you’ve found that you’ve lost confidence at work, or perhaps there are members in your team that have, here are few tips.

• Keep a daily diary of achievements to help you remember everything that you do well where you have succeeded in the past – these can be either big or small. Researchers  studied diary entries from a number of employees to discover that celebrating small wins leads to happier and more engaged peopl

• Set some goals to help yourself feel more in control and boost your confidence. Make sure these goals are achievable – try the SMART goals method if in doubt.

• Follow your passion both at work and outside. I’m believe wholeheartedly in following your passion, which will give you a greater sense of satisfaction and purpose and in turn bolster your confidence.

• Get a hobby. Research has shown that pursuing hobbies can in fact boost your confidence at work. My hobby is – you guessed it – horse riding, specifically show jumping. I love that it gives me self-confidence outside the competition arena. Like many sports and hobbies, it takes dedication and discipline, and importantly resilience when things don’t go according to plan.

• Learn techniques for calm, relaxation and rest. What’s your happy place? Mine is spending time in nature. I love walking – walking on the beach feeling the sand between my toes and the ocean washing over my feet, or taking advantage of our nearby bush walking tracks. It’s a great way to clear your mind, I find. It can be difficult to feel confident if we’re over-tired, stressed or unhappy, so finding ways to calm down can help.

• Try to learn from setbacks, rather than letting them destroy your confidence. As I’ve written before, sometimes bad things happen – but the question is how you deal with them!

• Seek outside help. If you or your team members are still not as confident as you could be, try taking a course, a new activity or even help from a professional like a coach or a counsellor.

How have you addressed confidence issues in the past?  Let me know in the comments.

For more information or to register for our free upcoming Wholistic Leadership webinar, shoot us an email info@lepd.com.au