Accepting and acknowledging anxiety in difficult times

Ways to ‘spring clean’ and make changes in your life

Spring is here and we can use this time to make some positive changes in our lives, such as letting go, moving on and doing something new. Here’s some ideas to get you going.

Spring has definitely been in the air recently, hasn’t it? Warm days and mild nights, the perfume of blooming flowers in the air, and our horses shedding their winter coats providing a nice lining for the birds to use in their nests. Quite idyllic.

I hope you’ve all had time to do nice, warmer weather activities like go on walks or picnics, even to the beach. But, what about spring-cleaning?

We recently upgraded our leadership training facilities here in Terrey Hills, Sydney. It’s been wonderful having a beautiful new environment, but we’ve had to spend a lot of time relocating our workspace. While it’s been a big process, it’s also been a therapeutic one, as we had to let go of a lot of the ‘stuff’ we’d accumulated throughout the ten years our business has been running.

Now it’s complete, it’s a nice feeling to have everything clean and fresh. There’s nothing like spring-cleaning your workspace, but also your life.

It’s motivated me to share with you some ideas on how you do a bit of ‘spring cleaning’ of your own.

1. Try to let go

There’s a lot to be said for letting go of things which aren’t helping us. Horses remind us of this all the time; they don’t hold grudges the way that humans do. They live in the present, only concerned about what is happening now – which is refreshing given our human tendency to worry about anything and everything.

The truth is, the events of the past few months have had us all on edge. And, it’s had a huge impact on our relationships with others. So, if you have any relationships that are strained at the moment, whether that be with work colleagues, family or friends, then why not try to have an honest conversation and address any bad feelings you may be harbouring.

Letting go is also about trying not to hold onto those negative thoughts we have about ourselves for too long. Perhaps it’s dwelling too deeply on what we could have done better, or thinking something was our fault when it really wasn’t. Easier said than done, but it’s worth making a conscious effort to try. And, there are resources out there which can help.

2. Know when it’s time to move on

Learning when to move on can be a big skill.  

Here, one of our core values is perseverance, but we also believe there is a point at which we have to realise something isn’t working and make a choice not to waste our energy any further. You know the ‘sunk-cost fallacy’? Many of us fall victim to this at some point – the feeling that we can’t quit, because we’ve already invested time, energy or money. 

It may be that you and a client haven’t been working well together, and you need to have an honest conversation. Perhaps your styles just aren’t suited to each other?

Or, perhaps you had a great idea or plan in your job, but now as it’s being implemented it’s not running as well as anticipated?

Maybe you invested in a product which isn’t doing enough for your business to justify the cost. Do you keep paying for it because of the money you’ve already spent, or decide not to waste any more money?

Always remember, we learn from mistakes almost more than we learn from anything. I came across this saying and I love it,

“Don’t carry your mistakes around on your head as they will crush you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones”

3. Do something you’ve been meaning to do

As I wrote last week, we can learn a lot from our inner child, including following our passion, but often we get so comfortable in our lives that we don’t ever seem to get around to doing things that will really make us happy.

For example, as well as our leadership training, we run courses where we ‘train-the-trainer’ in our unique equine assisted learning techniques. It was this very course that started me on the path to the career I love.

We have a lot of people contact us about this training, but sometimes it takes them as long as two to five years to actually take the plunge. One lady we had on one this year had been wanting to do it for ages but never found the time. Then, when we moved online due to COVID, she finally seized the opportunity. She was so happy with the outcome and with the possibilities it opened up to her. And, if it hadn’t been for the pandemic she may never have made that change.

That’s something to think about as we head into this new season.

What ideas do you have for spring cleaning your life? Let me know in the comments.

Performance reviews: making the most of feedback

All-too-often, mid-year performance reviews are treated as merely box-ticking. However, there is value in genuinely listening to evaluation from all directions. How can we improve the manner in which we give and receive feedback?

Have you had a mid-year performance review? Or given them to your staff?

Sometimes, we can fall into the trap of treating performance appraisals as a necessary but boring aspect of our job. Something to get out of the way before a potential pay rise.

However, I really believe there’s a lot to be gained from giving quality feedback, as well as acting on feedback from all quarters, whether that be from your boss, your peers, your staff or clients.

The value of feedback

One huge benefit of working with horses is that you gain feedback in the moment. They do not know or care about office politics – they simply provide honest, immediate and unbiased responses to your energy, intention, actions and body language. 

If you do not make your horsey team member feel comfortable –  for example too being overbearing, not assertive enough, or too vague in your communication – then he or she will respond right away. It’s literally impossible to move forward with the exercise unless you listen to both positive and negative feedback and respond accordingly.

I recall one time, a group of three people from a small business, including the manager, David, were working with our horse, Kylie. David thought the activity was running seamlessly as the team was completing each task – that is until it was time to work with Kylie without her lead rope attached. You certainly notice when the 500kg team member decides to leave the group. David had no idea why this happened, however his other human team members were quick to interpret. They helped him realise that he had been too task oriented and not checking in and listening to all team members. A huge lightbulb moment for David.

As your coaches, we guide you through the program ensuring that you understand the interactions and how they apply to your leadership style when paralleled back to the office environment.  

When should we give feedback?

You’ve probably heard that annual or semi-annual performance reviews are sometimes considered problematic (although many continue to use them). Research from McKinsey conducted a couple of years ago shows that most CEOs find performance management doesn’t help them identify top performers and half of individuals don’t feel their manager gets it right. At their worst, they can actually demoralise employees; this article from HRD Magazine says it is as “stressful for managers as it is for teams” and a percentage of employees cry or even quit afterwards.

McKinsey has suggested that the way forward could be regular coaching instead of feedback at set times, or if formal performance reviews are kept in place they can be turned on their head “into a positive moment where employees feel empowered to learn and grow”.

I agree that in an ideal world, feedback should be constant in a working environment. However, the reality is without a half tonne animal to remind us, we can get so caught up in what we’re doing day to day we don’t always think to step outside the box. Plus, many of us have to work within the formal structure that our company provides.

Way to maximise the benefit  

Whatever method we use to provide feedback, we should be aiming towards giving and receiving it in a manner that is genuinely advantageous.

I think there are a few basic ways we can all improve how we deliver and receive feedback:

• Learn to listen. As a whole, humans are terrible at active listening. We listen to respond, not to really hear what people are saying. It is important for the receiver of feedback to actively listen to ensure they improve, but also for the giver in order to gauge whether the feedback has been well-received or not. We actually run a program that focuses on active listening. It is challenging and fun and we witness many ‘aha’ moments such as mentioned above in the Kylie and David story.

• Put thought into how you deliver feedback. As I’ve written before, humans have different communication styles. Try to recognise that some people might respond to performance reviews differently to others. Remember there is no right or wrong, and accepting and working with these differences is a sign of a good leader.
• Realise that feedback doesn’t always come from the top down. A great leader will listen to their superiors but also their juniors, their peers, as well as clients and other external sources (whether you have a formal 360 degree feedback structure or not). And don’t forget regular self-evaluation – perhaps the hardest of all!

• Be authentic. Anyone who spends time around me knows how much I believe in being your authentic self at work. In fact, our whole business is built on authenticity! This flows through to giving and receiving feedback, as otherwise people – and horses – will see straight through you, which will likely derail everything.

How do you give/receive feedback? How can we improve? Let me know in the comments. And for more information on Leading Edge Life Skills email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au

Flexible working: it’s all in the mind

There’s no doubt flexible working can benefit both employer and employee. And with many being required to work from home during the pandemic, it’s been proven to work. Yet in my experience the starting point for real change is getting people to recognise and adapt their mindset.

Flexibility. Flexible working.

It’s a hot topic and one that we believe in passionately here at Leading Edge Life Skills, both in our own work and the skills we foster in our courses.

This Wednesday (10 June) is Flexible Working Day, an annual event which includes a virtual summit and various other initiatives. This year’s theme is reframing flexibility for the future, which is obviously well-timed given the pandemic we are going through right now and the capacity it has to cement genuine change (a topic I’ve written about myself).

Personally, I’m really excited to see what comes out of these discussions and how we’re going to tackle ongoing workplace flexibility as we slowly return to our normal office environments post-COVID. Especially since most of us have proven what we can do from our homes while balancing other responsibilities!

A flexible mindset

Flexibility in a workplace covers a broad range of areas from office hours and locations to ways of working. True flexibility has been shown by researchers to benefit both employers and employees, for reasons including productivity, staff retention and wellbeing.

Many people have shown over the last couple of months that it can and does work as they juggle doing their job from home, schooling and other caring responsibilities.

What, then, might continue to hold us back? In my opinion, it all comes down to having a flexible mindset. Ingrained beliefs and behaviours (for example, assuming employees are not pulling their weight because you can’t see them, or people who finish early aren’t doing as much), can be difficult to change. They are even tricky to recognise in yourself.

I know this because I’ve seen people’s inflexibility challenged and highlighted many times in our courses. Liz, a banking executive, was in a team with another person, Sally and our horse, Bart. Liz was convinced she knew how to “make” Bart  comply with her way of doing things, but he just firmly planted his feet and refused to move.

“I’ve always done things this way.” she commented, almost confused at first.

Eventually, she was forced to confront her own rigid mindset. See that the way she wanted to do things was not always the best for the team. She ended up thanking Bart for making her realise this about her leadership style and it is something that she would look at changing.

Sally had a different take away from the experience. She thanked Bart for reminding her about patience and letting others – even the boss – work through problem solving in their own way.

Employees need to step up too

Statistics show over 70% of private sector organisations in Australia now have flexible working policies (although this is pre-COVID). Good but not great!

However, at the same time I think employees also have a responsibility to step up. Flexible working requires employees to be flexible in their own thinking and work practices. There is greater need to follow through on commitments, make sure everything they do has buy-in from their boss and communicate needs and expectations clearly.

What do you think are some of the biggest obstacles to flexibility in the workplace? Will COVID-19 have a big impact? Let us know in the comments!

For more information or to subscribe to our updates please comment below or email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au

What do good leaders, horses and Covid19 all have in common?

Good leaders, horses and Covid19 all have one thing in common, and that is they do not discriminate. In Covid19’s case, this is not good! However, for leaders and horses, this is a wonderful trait. The workplace change we’re going through right now – thanks to Covod19 – is momentous, and affects everyone in one way or another. So how can practising good leadership help navigate challenges and build stronger workforces for the future? 

With reports like this one from the Workplace Gender Equality Agency already discussing the impact of COVID-19, I’ve been thinking about our changing workplaces and how this is affecting everyone in different ways.

This in turn led me to reflect on how leaders can better support all members of their team as they deal with their own unique challenges and create a happier, better workforce for the longer term.

Different impact on everyone

According to the report,  the ‘gendered impact’ of the virus is in part to do with women taking on more responsibilities such as caring for family members and educating children kept home from the school due to the virus (although many schools across Australia have started to go back).

However, the report also notes that with many men working from home or no longer employed, they are likely to increase their carer and domestic work. I know there’s been a lot of adjustment in my own household – I’ve heard the same thing anecdotally from my colleagues and friends and I suspect you have too.  

In the long term, this period of time will undoubtedly change workplaces for the better, with research saying increased workplace flexibility and greater involvement of men in care and domestic work could be among the potential effects of the COVID-19 crisis.

This means we are living through what some are saying could be the management challenge of our age, so leaders need to step up now to support all employees, no matter who they are, and ensure the stability of their workforce longer term.

Ways leaders can help

With many going through change, I’ve thought of a few strategies for leaders to guide their teams through this time and emerge stronger.

1. Avoid unconscious bias. One of my favourite aspects of working with horses is that they are non-judgmental. They respond to the way we make them feel rather than our appearance, status or achievements. These things have no meaning to a horse and, if you think about it, it is a beautiful way of being.

You would know the term ‘unconscious bias’; making stereotypical assumptions about people based on factors such as race, age, gender, size and physical appearance, often without realising you are doing it (hence the ‘unconscious’). Its effects have been researched and the concept is a major focus in discussions around improving workplace equality. At this time more than ever, we need try our best to overcome these so we don’t accidentally make anyone’s life more difficult.

2. Be understanding. I’ve noticed some folks are more on edge lately, which can manifest in being shorter or snappier when speaking to others, not coping with their workload as well, or acting more emotionally. That’s understandable given the stress many are under.

One of the words in our Leading Edge Life Skills motto is ‘compassion’ and that’s all about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Try not to take offense or escalate these types of situations but think of it from the other person’s perspective.

3. Act present and find ways to help your team be in the moment too. One of the main skills that our leadership training brings out in participants is presence, because being here in the moment is what you have to do when horses are involved. They don’t respond well (or at all) if you mind is elsewhere.

My foundation horse, Opal, gave me a huge personal lesson in presence moment during a leadership workshop with a new client from the consumer goods industry. I decided I would work with Opal for the introductory demonstration as she and I are usually so in tune to each other. Well, instead of being like one with me, Opal walked away from me, ignoring what I thought was our usual communication. I made it part of the demo – making the point about clear communication and leadership qualities – but I was really surprised. The session went well and afterwards I was chatting to the HR manager, Lena, who said one word that hit me like a freight train.

“Presence”

I had let myself be so distracted with trying to do my best for our new client that I wasn’t present and Opal called me out on it. We’ve worked together for so long and I took her for granted. She called me out on that too.

It is not easy to remain present when we are feeling the pressure of new challenges and trying to perform multiple tasks – work, schooling, childcare – all at once.  And it could be that your kids end up being your Opal and calling you out on this. Remember to cut yourself and your team some slack. Make it a part of the workplace chat forum to ask everyone to contribute an insight or observation each day every day to keep everyone present and valued.

4. Don’t forget your quiet achievers. Here in our stables, we have a lovely horse called Kylie. She’s easy going and cooperative. The challenge with a team mate like Kylie is if she’s not feeling comfortable, it’s often not always obvious to our clients. She may raise her head momentarily or subtly swish her tail, but remain with her team. Watch out for the Kylie on your team – they may seem okay but secretly struggling. You don’t want to lose your quiet achiever because you didn’t realise they were unhappy.

5. Give everyone space to speak up. In keeping with the last point, make sure you have a safe environment for team members who are finding it difficult to work from home, balance different responsibilities and look after their mental health to be honest about these challenges and ask for guidance.
6. Work together. We’re all adjusting, so teamwork (despite physical distance) is even more essential than ever right now.

What are some of the ways you think leaders can help? Let us know below.

If you’d like some more information on Leading Edge Life Skills please comment below or email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au.

Recognising and Embracing Diverse Communication Styles = Happier Teams

There has never been a more crucial time than now to ensure our teamwork and communication is up to scratch as we work remotely and navigate new technologies. In the second of a three-part series, we look at identifying communication types in colleagues and how to use this knowledge to create more effective and much happier teams.

Team dynamics are often difficult to negotiate – I should know, as I spend most of my professional life helping them to improve!

And now, in the age of social distancing, which for many of us means remote working, we have the added complication of not being physically nearby others. This means trying to negotiate body language and social queues over video conferencing and other technology.

As I wrote in my previous blog, this series discusses different communication styles and how we can draw on them to improve our interactions while in isolation (and beyond). Last week, we looked at understanding our personal communication style. This week, we’re looking further at how recognising and understanding the communication types of others improves a team’s functionality and efficiency. Next week, I will look at combining an understanding and awareness of your own communication style with recognising the communication styles of others to lead with confidence, consciousness and compassion.

Working with different communicators

Working with horses teaches us a lot about individual and group communication, particularly learning to pick up and interpret non-verbal signs.

As a prey animal, a horse has highly astute senses meaning that they sense everything way before we do – you cannot hide behind any façade or persona around a horse, they see right through it. And their sheer size means you cannot help but notice their responses to you. So, if you are open to it, they can teach you so much about how others respond to you.

For example, a horse yawning may mean they are relaxed and releasing. For people, this may be a sign they need to do the same. Licking and chewing means they are processing information or new experiences, meaning the human needs to give them that space to think. You know it’s like when you need some time to process and digest information.  And, if a horse is using a person as a scratching post, it’s a sign they may not be setting firm boundaries.

As we explored last week, we all have our own communication styles and to identify these in our leadership courses, we use the MiRO assessment. There are four main types of communicator:

• Driver, who wants to get the job done
• Energiser, who wants everyone else to feel good
• Organiser, who knows everyone’s roles and makes it clear what everyone should be doing
• Analyser, who needs to gather all the information

We are each made up of all four components but most of us have one or two dominant styles. Self-understanding is critical, but equally important is to learn to recognise the style of the others in our team.

Recognising the communication styles of others to improve team functioning

Obviously, teams can and do function effectively with any combination of communication styles. But what emerges in many of the leadership programmes here at Leading Edge Life Skills is that teams are being held back from reaching their full potential by a lack of awareness and understanding of the individual communication types within the group.

So where is the disconnect? The key is firstly recognising these individual nuances in communication styles and secondly accepting and embracing these differences for the value they bring to team dynamics.

I’ll set the scene for you of one of our typical leadership workshops and give an example of what I’m talking about. Our client groups are tasked with completing a number of obstacle type exercises in an area with a horse as a team member. Firstly, we divide the client group into teams of two or three people, typically randomly to create a situation that can happen in the workplace. Secondly, they choose one of our horses to join their team, thus introducing a brand new and very different team member into the dynamic. Thirdly, our exercises are deliberately vague allowing for interpretation and creative problem-solving. Lastly, the exercise is timed.

During an emerging leaders programme for a not-for-profit organisation last year, one team was made up almost entirely of analysers. They started out by discussing the first task. A good inclusive tactic, however with no one particularly focused on action, they took so long that they were not getting through the exercise at all. It took our usually very patient horse, Vinnie, himself an analyser, to get things moving. Atypical of Vinnie, he nudged a couple of the team members with his head – gently pushing them forward – as a clear sign for the team that they needed to make a start. Vinnie had stepped out of his comfort zone and into the driver mode, which really resonated with one participant, Steven, and snapped him into action. Afterwards, during the debrief, Steven remarked that Vinnie made him realise that he needs that “shove” as he often finds himself stuck in the detail and preparation, resulting in periods of procrastination at work. He also found that stepping out of his own comfort zone was actually empowering.

This example demonstrates how an awareness of our own and our colleagues communication styles can help teams move past challenges and pitfalls in the workplace. In recognising the team was made up of analysers, Steven was able to move into a more direct, action based style to help get the team moving forward on the right path.

So how can this help your teams, particularly in a remote working environment? Have a think about any challenges with projects that your team is working on. Perhaps you are not moving forward like Steven and his team. Perhaps the opposite, all action with less planning? Now consider this against the communication styles of your team members.

Hopefully this gives you some insight into how communication styles play into group dynamics and the ways in which it can help when remote working. Perhaps try thinking of a couple of colleagues and trying to discern their style.

We’re currently running a special on MiRo assessments, so if you’d like some more information please comment below or email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au

We also launched a poll on communication styles which you can answer below if you haven’t already!