Busyness and Connection: Reflections on lessons learnt this Easter

No matter how you normally spend your four-day weekend, it was likely this one was a bit different. What did you learn from the experience of being home over Easter 2020?

Easter 2020 was a bit of a different experience for me, and I suspect it may have been for you too.

For many of us, whether Easter holds religious significance or not, it’s usually a time when we do something. Go camping, go to church, see extended family or head for a night out with friends.

Personally, as a Sydney resident and horse enthusiast, this holiday is normally taken up by the Royal Easter show, where my daughter competes. The iconic Easter Show was cancelled this year, for the first time since the Spanish flu pandemic in 1919, which in itself is a big change for the residents of our city who attend the show in their hundreds of thousands every year.

Instead, with social distancing in full force, we spent the entire four-day weekend at home as a family.

A week on, I’ve had a chance to reflect on the meaning of this enforced togetherness what it meant to have our usual plans interrupted.

Here are a few things I learnt.

Slowing down

It’s easy to understand why, when we work hard and only have limited annual leave in which to experience what the world has to offer, we feel the need to put a four-day break to ‘good use’.

There’s nothing wrong with this, as such, but we do tend to forget what it’s like not to rush around. To slow down and relax.

Our society’s obsession with ‘busyness’ is one that has been reflected on by social commentators, and named as a contributor to our levels of stress and anxiety. If my daughter is anxious before competing, her horse will make her stop and take a breath. He literally shoves his huge head into her torso and demands a cuddle. Once she stops, breathes, laughs and, yes, gives him a cuddle, she can continue to prepare him and herself for the competition. It is so beautiful!

Being forced to stay home and slow down might actually remind us it’s good to do not much sometimes – just to stop, breath and enjoy the moment. 

Connecting again

An effect of slowing down is also the chance to reconnect with those in our lives. I was heartened to hear a friend talking about how his family had enjoyed being together at Easter. His son is a highly accomplished soccer player and there are always games to travel to over Easter. This year, however, they were able to enjoy the break all together for the first time in years.

A huge part of my role as a leadership coach with horses is staying connected with my herd. Afterall, how could I do a good job when my effectiveness relies on reading the responses of my individual herd/team members, if I do not know my team. Now, horses know that humans are not horses, but just as with any team, I cannot ignore them at the moment because we are not hosting clients due to the pandemic and then expect their respect and focus when I need it again. That would be unfair and arrogant of me. So, I took the time over the Easter break to connect with my equine team members without any pressure. I made a conscious effort to just hang out with them, totally on their terms with no expectations, no agenda, just enjoy being together and bonding. I do not know when we will be allowed to welcome clients again, but I do know that I want my team – my equine family – feeling safe and happy in their roles when we can operate as usual again.

Isn’t this the same for our family members and our teams at work? A true connection creates trust and loyalty and a feeling of safety and being valued for family, friends and colleagues alike.

I hope that wherever you spent the break it helped you reconnect with others, whether that be a family meal, enjoying the company of your partner, chats with friends or watching a good movie!

Uncovering authenticity and self-truth

Since Easter, I’ve been thinking about the longer-term implications of what all these realisations mean. And I think it’s what I call making the invisible, visible.

Sometimes, I see this happen to people in our training courses. I call it their ‘personal aha moment’ – when a horse allows them to see whatever it is that’s been buried inside.

One person’s ‘aha moment’ particularly struck a chord with me during one of our emerging leaders programmes. A young manager, Jack, from a consumer goods company, had been having trouble leading his team as he kept trying to make them do things. Through working with our horse, Vinnie, he learnt a different way of leadership. Vinnie refused to be pushed around, literally planting his feet and there was no way, this young man could budge a 500kg team member. Jack needed to work with and listen to Vinnie and his other team members’ feedback to achieve the desired outcome as a team. That day he learnt about respect and empathy. During our debrief, he actually became tearful and said he’d realised that, “ love was more powerful than force.”  A big breakthrough, don’t you think?

It might just be possible that this social distancing can push similar discoveries about ourselves to the surface.

I hope we can all come away from this experience with an appreciation for those occasional quiet moments in our life, as well as some authentic connection with others and ourselves!

Did you realise anything over the Easter long weekend? What lessons can we learn? Tell us in the comments. And to subscribe to more updates and leadership tips from Leading Edge Life Skills, please comment below to ask to be added or email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au

Social distancing has the potential to affect everyone’s state of mind – so how can leaders help others and themselves remain present and focus on the positives?

As we embark on week four of stringent social distancing regulations, changes we previously would have found hard to imagine have become our new normal.

My colleagues, clients, business associates, family and friends are facing challenges. Some have lost their jobs. Some are working out how to adapt their businesses. Others are struggling to balance working and helping with schooling from home.

Never has it been so important to look after each other (and ourselves) than during this unusual time.

There was an excellent article released by BCG during the week which calls on leaders to be human first, which means engaging with employees on a personal level and being sympathetic to their situation.  Vital to this is the ability to remain present and mindful as we navigate our leadership responsibilities. The more we are able to do so, the more effective we will be when connecting with our teams, inspiring them to remain strong and united.

The value of presence

Presence is a topic you may have heard me talk about before. It is essential for high functioning teams. And something we discuss at length in our leadership programmes.

A couple of weeks ago I shared a story about my lovely horse Opal and how she taught me a valuable lesson about presence when I was distracted while working with her. Our equine team members demonstrate the importance of presence on a daily basis: if people aren’t truly present when working with horses, they will invariably respond accordingly. They may become disinterested, refuse to engage  or simply walk away. Have you noticed that when your mind wanders while you are with your team, your partner or kids they can intuitively tell and react in different ways?

At the beginning of all our programmes, we discuss the importance of presence and encourage everyone to stay in the moment. We often begin with a simple breathing exercise, an effective mindfulness tool that allows participants to focus on the present, setting the tone for their work with the horses.

This is a simple technique that can be easily used to start off virtual meetings to bring the team together and focused.

We also structure our programmes in line with evidence-based research that recommends frequent breaks to ensure information and learning can be digested in an effective way. A 2020 Forbes article quotes author Hortense le Gentil, who says, “breaks allow you to check in with yourself and refuel. Checking in helps you align with yourself as you step back, get some distance, remind yourself of your ‘why,’ and examine whether your thoughts, your words and your actions are congruent.”

Active listening is another way to make sure you’re present with someone. Too-often, we listen to others only to answer. Active listening is a learned skill that can be developed over time. It involves putting in effort to hear what others are really saying.

Be conscious of those around you

As I said in my blog a few weeks ago, humans and horses naturally exist in ‘herds’ which goes back to our base needs for comfort, safety and protection.

Being conscious of those around them is vital  in a herd; if one member is distracted it has the potential to compromise the comfort and safety of the whole herd. So too is this awareness of others vital in our workplaces.

We see this all the time during our programmes, where the human team members focus on each other, forgetting they have another teammate – namely the horse they are working with.  The sheer size of this teammate usually ensures that he or she won’t be left out for long as it is hard to ignore a 600kg colleague!  During one of our emerging leaders workshops, our horse Darcy started picking up the equipment in the arena in his mouth. It is like when a member of your team is not engaged and so starts to play on their phone!  

Everyone’s self-isolation will look different. Some (me!) are in a house full of partners, kids and parents, so for us it’s about co-existing in the same space. Others who live alone may have different challenges.

I try to find positives; this is the most I’ve had my husband home in years. And my children. That makes it an opportunity to slow down and reconnect with my ‘herd’. Find new ways to have fun with those you’re at home with and embrace technology that allows us to link up with others outside your home.

From a work perspective I’ve loved participating in fun, supportive virtual meetings with business associates here and around the world. Check-in with your colleagues and team members. Are there individuals who are feeling isolated and alone? How can you and the team support them?

Look after yourself and others

Working, caring for family, reaching out to friends…. it probably feels like there’s so much to do right now. It’s hard to stay present when your mind is buzzing with the next task on your to-do list. Even if you’re not that busy, you might be suffering mental strain from the sudden change in routine.

Beyond Blue has great resources for coping with the current crisis, one of these being the use of Mindfulness tools. Mindfulness and other forms of meditation have been scientifically proven to be among the most effective techniques to reclaim that headspace. As mentioned above, we regularly use mindfulness techniques in our programmes. How can you as a leader encourage the use of these tools for your teams (and yourselves!)?

I’ve found the extra time with my horses, without having our client programmes, has helped maintain and strengthen our connection, trust and skill set. I am actually grateful for this.

If you need some help, there are apps including Headspace and Smiling Mind to name a couple which can help with mindfulness exercises.

And finally: cut yourself some slack on the bad news. It’s easy to spend all day on Facebook reading articles, seeing pictures of toilet paper hoarding or feeling guilty because a friend keeps posts photos of her home school efforts (which look better than yours). Use apps such as Forest to stay focused, off your smartphone and in the moment.

What are your tips for staying present and mindful? Let us know in the comments. And to subscribe to more updates and leadership tips from Leading Edge Life Skills, please comment below to ask to be added or email info@leadingedgelifeskills.com.au