“When we work apart, the space between us fills up with assumptions. The only way to keep trust alive is to talk more, not less.”
— Patrick Lencioni, At The Table Podcast
This quote really lands for me — and it beautifully connects to what I see in our equine-assisted leadership sessions. Whether in a team meeting, a relationship, or a round yard with a horse, assumptions are the silent saboteurs of trust.
The Space Between
When humans work apart — physically, emotionally, or even just mentally checked out — we tend to fill in the blanks. We make up stories to explain what someone meant, why they didn’t reply, or what’s really going on.
Sometimes we get it right. More often, we don’t.
In leadership, those little gaps of misunderstanding can grow into wide spaces of mistrust. Lencioni’s advice — to talk more, not less — is a call to bridge that gap with conversation, curiosity, and courage.
What Horses Teach Us About Communication
Now, if we step into the arena for a moment, horses show us something fascinating. They don’t use words at all, yet they communicate constantly — through body language, energy, and intention. Their “conversations” are silent but incredibly clear.
A horse knows in an instant whether another horse means what it says — because its body, breathing, and energy always give it away. There’s no mixed messaging in a herd. Clarity is survival.
Humans, on the other hand, rely heavily on words. We explain, justify, and rationalise. But our bodies — our tone, posture, facial expressions — still broadcast the truth of what we’re really feeling. Horses read this effortlessly. When our words and our body language don’t match, they simply don’t buy it.
Congruence Builds Trust
In equine-assisted learning, we often talk about congruence — that beautiful alignment between what we say, what we do, and what we feel. Horses seek congruence because it helps them feel safe. Humans seek it too, even if we don’t consciously realise it.
When we’re congruent, others can relax around us. When we’re not, people (and horses) pick up on the disconnect, and trust erodes — even if no one can quite put their finger on why.
Talking More — and Listening Differently
So how do we “talk more” in a way that keeps trust alive?
It’s not about filling the air with noise or endless meetings. It’s about genuine connection: asking questions, checking assumptions, and being willing to reveal our intentions.
In the arena, the same applies. A horse doesn’t need us to chatter — they need us to show up authentically. To listen with our whole body. To match our intention with our action.
That’s the sweet spot of communication — where trust lives and assumptions dissolve.
What space in your team or relationships might need a little more honest conversation?
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